On the "To Ruin" List: the year 2008.

2007. What can I say?

I'm 21 now and my life up to this point has pretty much revolved around school. I think in terms of school years, so the traditional calendar year means very little to me. After a long period of looking over LiveJournal entries for the last year or so (which took longer than I'd like to admit), I'm beginning to remember how it all happened. The beginning of 2007 was the end of "The Spirit of '88," which wasn't as effective as I thought it was going to be. It was supposed to be like this:

but really ended up like this:

It was really difficult seeing everyone around me go places and do things that I just didn't have the motivation or skills for. I can remember days of listening to those albums by Youth of Today or Gorilla Biscuits and thinking, "This should be easy. Why can't I execute?" I was tired and I just couldn't find the passion to really attack every day. I started running on survival mode, hoping that each day would bring me something rewarding, something to look forward to. Friends, believe me when I tell you, this is no way to live. The end of the school year came fast and summer was halfway over before I even knew it.

I saw some great things over the summer and had amazing moments of fun, but it was also where I turned the corner. Chris and I got fired from KXLU and we're not really welcome there ever again. To think, that Christopher Esteban Torres and I, of all people, are not allowed in the most libertarian place on campus, is hilarious. It was also when I decided that I needed to figure out my next move. The station, in all actuality, was holding me back. I was saving my greatness for when I would work there, thinking I was going to save everyone there, as arrogant as that sounds. That was easily one of the dumbest things I could've even thought about. I was planning on salvaging a sinking ship, expecting that something great would come out of my time there, not seeing that I was only setting myself up for drowning.

Once things started to fall together, things also started to fall apart. I realized that I was to be alone after the dream summer was over. What I was too stupid to realize was that I wasn't ever really going to be alone, but it was just going to take a bit more effort. Uncertainty, which lead to more uncertainty paved the way for "The Year of Change."

In short, nothing was the same as it had been before. My friends had evaporated right in front of me and I was terrified that I wasn't going to be happy. I made the conscious choice to really throwdown on school. The time seemed right to get serious. The next thing I know, I'm sprinting at record pace towards one of the best academic semesters I've had since high school. Once things started moving in that regard, everything else started to move that way as well. My life, as I have known it, has not been the same since the year of change started; it's harder and much more terrifying, but I know it's better and I wouldn't have it any other way. Things aren't perfect in any sense of the word. Things aren't even close, but they're pretty damn good.

I've already started a new semester. I would still consider this a part of the year of change, but really, I feel like that's all over. The changes have taken place and now, it's time to see what it all meant and where it's taking me, thus I dub this semester/calendar year "The Year of Change, part 2: the Launch". This is really where things have to take off for me or else I won't make it out of the atmosphere in one piece. There have already been challenges and it's already starting to weigh down on me, but I have this strange feeling that I'm going to be able to handle it better this time, knowing what I know and having amazing friends who are there to support me.